Stuff that Might Seem to Make Sense But Doesn’t



  1. Trying to make sense of cat behaviour. “Oh, Tabby shat in my shoe. He must be really angry at me for leaving him alone for three days.” This is obviously a case of projecting onto a cat the human tendency to take revenge by defecating in a shoe. Tabby probably doesn’t even know whose shoe it is.
  2. Interpreting dreams. If you dream about being chased, it means you fear your choices are catching up with you. If you dream of a house that’s run down, it means you’re depressed. If you constantly dream of mice, it means that you were a mouse in a previous life. This is the sort of nonsense anybody with an IQ roughly equal to my hat size can come up with. Thanks a lot, Sigmund.
  3. Going to a Chiropractor. There is little evidence that chiropractic is effective in treating anything except maybe minor back pain. A doctor I know thinks it works this way: Most minor back pain eventually goes away. When the resolution of the problem happens to coincide with visiting a chiropractor, the sufferer understandably attributes the cure to the chiropractic therapy. She tells her friends, who all suffer from back pain at some point, and the chiropractor is soon building a vacation villa in Tuscany. Seeing a chiropractor for anything other than minor back pain is extremely foolish.
  4. Buying lottery tickets. Unless you’re good at day dreaming, it’s not worth it.
  5. Buying organic. People spend up to twice as much on organic produce in the belief that it’s safer, more nutritious, and tastes better. There is no evidence that organic produce is safer—organic pesticides can be lethal—or more nutritious. Blind taste tests have demonstrated again and again that no one can tell the difference between organic and non-organic by taste. By now, the organic movement has all the earmarks of a cult for the well-heeled. The less affluent become Jehovah’s Witnesses.
  6. Taking vitamins. Many assume that popping vitamin pills is a sort of insurance policy against the deleterious effects of scarfing down Big Macs and fries. Some imagine that taking megadoses of certain vitamins will make them live forever. In fact, if you eat a reasonably normal diet, you don’t need to take vitamins. If you eat a steady diet of Big Macs, taking vitamins won’t make up for it. Taking megadoses of certain vitamins will at best make your urine very expensive and at worst, do serious damage to your health.
  7. Smoking. Wait, that never made sense.
  8. Lamenting the decline of the writing skills of the young. Inscriptions decrying the writing skills of the young have been found on Sumerian tablets.
  9. Preferring Jack Daniels to George Dickel. Anybody who drinks Jack when George is available shouldn’t be drinking.
  10. Worrying about the demise of American democracy. Too late.

One thought on “Stuff that Might Seem to Make Sense But Doesn’t

  1. Thanks for the laugh and the good advice. I’ve actually become a Dickel convert thanks to you. I still worry, though, because my name is supposed to be engraved on a barrel at the JD distillery. Will they take it off if they find out?

    Liked by 1 person

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