Stephen Harper Talks to his Chief Adviser

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Harper: Thank you for the Niqab issue. I really doubted it would work.

CA: Why did you doubt it, Stephen? Have I steered you wrong before?

Harper: No, it’s just that…

CA: You didn’t think voters would be so stupid?

Harper: Exactly.

CA: Never underestimate the appeal of racism and xenophobia.

Harper: The voters aren’t completely stupid. After all, I’m Prime Minister.

CA: I rest my case.

Harper: That hurts.

CA: No, Stephen, losing hurts.

Harper: But I wanted to win to improve life in Canada.

CA: You should have thought of that before we made our bargain.

Harper: But you never said making life worse in Canada was part of the bargain.

CA: Is life really so bad for you, Stephen? Aren’t you the prime Minister?

Harper: I mean making life better for Canadians in general.

CA: Do you think life is better for people when they’re hateful and afraid?

Harper: But there are some things people should hate, and there are good reasons to be afraid.

CA: Some people hate you, Stephen, and they’re afraid you’re going to win again.

Harper: But that’s politics.

CA: Right, and giving people something to hate and fear more than they hate and fear you is politics too.

Harper: So I’m not running against Mulcair and Trudeau; I’m running against Muslim women wearing niqabs and ISIS?

CA: You’ve restored my faith in you.

Harper: Will I get a majority?

CA: Is the Pope Catholic?

Harper: I’m not sure.

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