Trump and the Bathroom Break–Mystery Solved


A mystery about Donald Trump has emerged that trumps (so to speak) all of the other mysteries about him such as how on earth he is still in the race. The new mystery is his bizarre reaction to Hilary Clinton’s alleged bathroom break during the Democratic debate. He was clearly visibly shaken and disgusted by the notion that Hillary Clinton went to the bathroom. But why? What was is so disgusting about going to the bathroom? Talking about her brief absence from the stage, Trump said, “I know where she went — it’s disgusting, I don’t want to talk about it.”

It is a little unusual for a candidate to be late getting back to the debate stage because of a bathroom break, but disgusting? On other occasions, Trump has made it clear that he finds menstruation unsettling and thought that Fox anchor Megan Kelly’s menstruating caused her to ask him hostile and unfair questions. But being creeped out by menstruation is a guy thing, and Trump is a real guy’s guy. It’s not hard to see how in Trump’s worldview, menstruation puts women in the loser category or at least confines them to supporting roles in the winner category. But Hilary is definitely post-menopausal, so he couldn’t have thought her bathroom break had anything to do with menstruation.

Why would Trump find the very idea of a woman going to the bathroom disgusting? But maybe it isn’t just women. Maybe he finds the whole idea of anybody, man or woman, going to the bathroom disgusting. After all, what do people do when they go to the bathroom? They defecate and urinate, and those things are disgusting, no question about it. That’s why we do them in bathrooms. Could it be that Hilary’s absence for a bathroom break called to mind those very bodily functions that aren’t supposed to be called to mind? Is it Trump’s view, that she should never have taken a bathroom break that could make her late getting back to the stage thereby calling attention to the bodily functions that a bathroom break entails?  Should she have just held it?

Yes, it’s possible that trump was upset and disgusted because Hilary didn’t just hold it. But there is another possibility, which I call the Kim Jong Il theory. It is well known that the famed North Korean Leader did not defecate, and neither does his son and successor Kim Jong Un. Neither of them was born with an anus.

There is no question that Trump is unusual, but maybe he is unusual in ways we never imagined. When he talks about being a winner, maybe it’s a code for something else. The extraordinary praise that Donald Trump lavishes on himself is very similar to the praise that all North Koreans lavish on their Dear Leader. Everybody loves the Dear Leader, and according to Trump, everybody loves him. Even Mexicans and women love him despite all the terrible things he has said about Mexicans and women. What can make an ordinary mortal so lovable? But maybe Donald Trump isn’t an ordinary mortal. Could it be that Donald Trump doesn’t defecate? That would explain the mystery of his reaction to Hilary Clinton’s bathroom break. The whole idea of defecation is alien to Donald Trump because he never does it. Donald Trump doesn’t even have what more than half the country says he is—an asshole.

Mystery solved.

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